I don’t want a new life. I want my old life back …



When I went out for the first time after a reasonable period of mourning, I needed someone to say; “This is Jill. She’s just lost her son.” And, I also needed to be freed from the dreaded question; “How many children do you have?” This is a question asked whenever one meets new people.

Suicide is spoken about in whispers. A hush comes over friendships.  Unspoken judgments are rendered. Worst of all, there are many awkward moments of silence. I didn’t feel much like seeing people; maybe I was shielding myself from prying eyes but I mostly, I needed to grieve alone.

I was told; “In time you’ll make a new life. You’ll be fine.” I replied; “I don’t want a new life. What I need is my old life back again.”

People seem to be afraid of death and consequently spend a great deal of time denying that something like this can happen to them. I suppose that it is frightening to be in touch with one’s own mortality.

This entry was posted in Grief and Grieving, Schizophrenia on by .

About Jill

Author of books and articles on support and experiences of living with a mentally ill family member. My aim in blogging is to let others see how a loving family, with a father and husband who is able to give unconditional love, can help the family cope. Many call me the blogging grandma.'

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