There are times when I expect my husband to walk through the front door. There are songs that bring tears to my eyes. A senior couple holding hands or exchanging glances has the same effect. It’s so weird to say ‘ I’ instead of we; to see only my name in our check book and on some items of mail delivered to our mailbox. There has been the odd occasion when letters arrive addressed to both of us, which is creepy.
Many decisions have to be made but that will take time. What I have lost is the institution of marriage. Our apartment was perfect for the two of us but a bit large for one person to rattle around in.
“Aren’t you going to move to a retirement home?” is a question I’ve been asked more than once. All I do know is that I need time before making any decisions.
I always seem to be the one creating an odd number at dinner parties. Wherever I go, in fact, I am the odd one out and although my friends make an effort to make me feel welcome, the comfort zone is no longer pereent.