What nobody told me about grief.

Do you know that nobody ever told me that the grief section of books at our local bookstore is located in the self help section and is rather insignificant?

Nobody ever told me that the day would come when I would break down and cry; not just cry, but wail until I felt my heart was breaking! Why? Because on a crowded street I saw someone with the same colored hair as my late husband, wearing a t-shirt that looked like one of his and I said to myself, quite illogically of course, there he is, and I started moving fast toward him. But, when logic took over, it wasn’t him of course. When someone saw me crying and handed me a box of tissues, it was an effort to say thank you politely.

Nobody told me that the day would come when I would be incredibly, overwhelmingly happy, wishing to call my husband and share it with him; until I remembered. That happens less nowadays.

When our dog became ill, I experienced a moment of panic when all I could think of was; this is the last of our pets that he will have known. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

Nobody told me that at the end of the day, all I would think was that grief isn’t a wall that comes crashing down on you all at once the way I’d expected. No, it’s a wall of bricks that falls bit by bit, piece by piece to bruise me, break me and beat me down, ever so slowly.

Now, a little over three years later, I am in the process of building myself up again. I try not to think of the past so much. I try not to think of my future. So, what do I do? I work hard on staying in the present, enjoying the positive things there, and there are many. In time, I aim to be whole again.


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