Monthly Archives: June 2014

Do not stand at our graves and weep ….


snow on either side of the road

Do not stand at our graves and weep

We are not there, we do not sleep.

We’re a thousand winds that blow, we’re the diamond glints on snow.

We’re the gentle autumn rain.


When you awaken in the morning’s hush, we’re the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight, we’re the bright stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at our graves and cry, we are not there, although we died.

In memory of my late husband and our son who left us long before his time.

Our brother has a mental illness

Our brother has a mental illness. It happens in the best of families … in our family?


These are some of the thoughts that our daughters probably had to deal with during the long years when their brother was battling with paranoid schizophrenia.

Who is in danger of getting a mental illness? Could I get it too? Will our brother ever get better? Really better?

Were we to blame in any way?

Why did he get it and not one of us?

Mental illness is a disorder of the brain, the way diabetes is an illness of the pancreas so why does the first have a stigma?

Our brother changed, became so different after he became ill.  

Who will take care of him when our parents get old?


He gets psychotic at times – a lot of times and this was what we were told. Psychosis is a brain disorder that affects his thinking, perception and behavior. He sometimes loses touch with reality for long periods of time and experiences hallucinations and delusions. What are we supposed to do if we even suspect that our brother has suicidal thoughts? A psychologist told us all that suicide is a behavior and not a mental illness although it is more common if there is a family history of suicide. David needs to feel that people care about him but most don’t know how to behave or what to say in his presence.


Our family was such a happy one before schizophrenia came into our lives – now it will never be the same again. Our parents look so sad all the time.

flowers 1

Dealing with grief

numbered silver balls 

 I imagined a silver ball bouncing around inside the weekly lottery machine. I knew that it was unlikely that someone else could associate that image with feelings of grief and yet, it was the best metaphor I could come up with that explained the unpredictability of my emotional patterns when I mourned for my near and dear ones who had passed away over the years.


Today, grief is seen as a psychological problem that has to be overcome. The grieving person gets time off work for the funeral, is often handed a prescription for an antidepressant, and is then given membership for a bereavement support group.


It was pointed out to me that there \was a right way and a wrong way to grieve and if I chose the wrong way, it would be my responsibility to seek treatment, either by taking medication or starting a course of psychotherapy.


I didn’t think that I believed in rituals, but I realized that the traditions I turned to while mourning gave me a sense of control over my grieving process and in time, helped alleviate my grief somewhat. Playing a favorite song, walking along the beach or watching a sunset evoked fond memories and brought on a cathartic cry, which was usually helpful.


Frankly, from my experience of grief after losing far too many near relatives, three in traumatic ways, I didn’t think that my grief needed to be treated. I truly believe that grief is a part of the human condition similar to fear or anger. Maybe grieving deeply  was the price I had to pay for loving so deeply.a burning candle

My son Doron


When we talk to God, it’s called prayer but when God talks to us, it’s called schizophrenia. By  Lily Tomlin.

In my book, I changed all the names making it easier for me to write honestly. Doron is David.

David’s Story is a heart-breaking study of the progress of schizophrenia, destroying not just one life, but making tragic inroads into the lives of every family member. This story gripped me from the first page and I grieved along with the author. I highly recommend it.

By Dvora Waysman (author)

David’s story is available as a kindle e-book on Amazon or Smashwords. Serch for Jill Sadowsky, click on David’s Story, click on buy now and then follow instrucdtions. If you do not have a kindle, you can download the free kindle app that allows you to read this book on any laptop.




In order to fight Alzheimer’s disease, use your brain

human brainRight now there are at least 44 milion people living with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. Everyone who has a brain is at risk of developing this disease but there are ways to fight it. How? We can read about it, share the facts about this devastating illness with our contacts and, we can fight it together. It’s is the best way to raise awareness and inspire action.  We should not leave this for other people to handle. We all need to become involved. The key to the cure is research, research and more research.

Remember, we all have brains so we shouldn’t expect someone else to do the work for us. PLEASE HELP ME NOW !

Do you scan the obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?


ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE swans in love 3

Do you wake up every morning, find it hard to lift your head?

Do you scan the obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?

It’s like living on a cliff side never knowing when you’ll dive

I feel a sort of buzzing like bees make in a hive.


Imagine how it feels to see the world that once was clear

That goes from white to gray then black, tomorrow’s filled with fear.

I do my best to make each day as pleasant as I can

And keep myself as busy as any other man.


There’s a sensation that I’m screaming yet I never make a sound,

Or the feeling that I’m falling yet I never hit the ground.

It keeps on rushing at me, day by day by day

Can you imagine what it’s like to have to live this way?


I know my wife is hurting but she doesn’t let it show

Her smile covers her feelings and she continues with the flow.

                                                                                      alzheimer's 1

My late husband imparted the above over a period of time before he was unable to describe his feelings or speak much and I jotted it all down and then turned it into the above.

They’re all wired, you know

selfie phenomenonSERENADE 2 SENIORS

How can seniors escape the world of high technology, is a question frequently asked by golden agers. Their complaint is that they seldom see anybody who is not connected to or talking on a smart phone and they need their peace.  Swimming in a pool might be their last refuge from the wired world. The only way to escape social pressure might be when in a bubble of water. Today, our world is filled with the ringing and pinging of  mobile telephones.

I know that my most creative thinking took place while I was swimming lengths in a pool. The bathing cap that we had to wear in those days effectively blocked out all the other sounds as I sliced through the refreshingly cool water.

Obsession with smart phones is not new but taking selfies is.  For the seniors who do now know what a selfie is – it is a self portrait taken by oneself of oneself. This selfie phase may be a craze in more ways than one because some mental health professionals now claim that the people who photograph themselves obsessively, may be be suffering from a form of Body Dismorphic Disorder. They have a preoccupation with one or  more personal flaws in their appearance and are excessively self conscious. As many as two thirds of patients with the above disorder are known to have taken multiple snapshots of themselves. It is not an addiction; rather a symptom of the above disorder that involves constantly checking their appearance. One expert said that people with B.D.D. can spend hours taking pictures of themselves that do not in fact show any flaws in their appearance.

Another expert stated that a preoccupation with selfies
could be an indicator of other mental problems in young people. Dr. Pamela Rutledge, Director of the Media Psychology Research Center in Boston, Massachusetts, said that this kind of photography triggers perceptions of self-indulgence or self-seeking social dependence that raises the damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don’t spectre of either narcissism or very low self esteem