Erasing negative thoughts


While trying to cope with serious illness in my family, I discovered that it was often my own negative thoughts that hurt me the most. After all, there was no reason to imprison myself. If I fell, I got up and subsequently, was being stronger than someone who has never done so. But, I had trouble with the fact that nothing would ever return to the way it had been before schizophrenia and then Alzheimer’s disease affected members of my family. The usual question, ‘why my family?’  did not help one iota. I had to accept the fact that each ending was really a new beginning to the next phase of my life.  So, what have I learned? I have learned to expect less after my life failed to give me what I wanted. I had to expect less and enjoy more. 

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There were times when I was angry and I knew that I had to learn to control anger in my everyday life before it destroyed me. I also had to learn the meaning of acceptance; of accepting what came my way and then deal with it in any way that worked for me. I tended to blame others for my troubles. I am ashamed to say that at times, I even blamed my son for daring to contract something as difficult to handle as schizophrenia. I blamed modern medicine for failing to help sufficiently. In fact, I blamed the whole world. Somewhere deep inside of me, I knew that the extent to which I could achieve my dreams depended on the extent to which I took responsibility for my life. Blaming others for what I was going through was like giving them power over my life. This process took a long time, but eventually, I realized that I could be as happy as I wanted to be so I fought for happiness, built new relationships and reinvented my lifestyle. It helped a bit.

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7 thoughts on “Erasing negative thoughts

    1. Jill Post author

      Hi Sara,
      I heard about Logotherapy for the first time about a year ago, long after I had worked my way through my heartbreaking family illnesses – when I was invited by Teria shantall to come to Haifa to give a talk to Logotherpists. Why/ because she, as well as the others present, said that I actually practise Logotherapy on myself without ever having heard of it. I found that quite amazing, don’t you? And now you ask a similar question. Do you by any chance live in the Merkaz of the country? If so, we could meet.
      Be well and feel free to mail any time. That’s what my blog is all about – to help people.
      Jill

      Reply
  1. Marie Abanga

    Reblogged this on Marie Abanga's Blog and commented:
    Granny if I may call you so, I am happy to come your way. I guess 35 years will be deserving of a child or grandchild? which ever, I think I love your style.

    So, here I am, a former caregiver to a bipolar diagnosed brother who left us at 33. It’s me the one with mental challenges – am those damn moods which swing or spin as if the own me. The one who has hit rock bottom over and again, lost babies and all – fighting for her sanity and escape from ever getting a medical prescription.

    And so granny, I am fighting negative thoughts to the extent that I get up from sleep with a heavy face. You know the boxer of a victor who nevertheless got them dem good blows. I fight so hard and calm myself down as much as possible.

    Just this morning, after one of those nights, I wanted to start off with the gym. I went to a nearby branch of my club – they had said they start operations on Sept 01 and they are still giving excuses for whatever. Sure I was mad, and I had to spend at least 45 minutes commuting back home, I took a wrong bus, got out next stop and didn’t know whether to go to my regular branch or go home, calm, work and go there in the evening. I survived and am at home with some magic music.
    So granny, it is possible to erase or fight them negative thoughts, but it ain’t ever gonna be an easy fight.
    Thanks for sharing

    Reply
    1. Jill Post author

      Hi There,
      Of course you can call me Granny. I appreciate your comments but am so sorry for the reason behind it.
      I wish you more good days than ‘down days’ and feel free to mail when you have the need to do so.
      Sincerely,
      Jill

      Reply
  2. Marie Abanga

    Granny if I may call you so, I am happy to come your way. I guess 35 years will be deserving of a child or grandchild? which ever, I think I love your style.

    So, here I am, a former caregiver to a bipolar diagnosed brother who left us at 33. It’s me the one with mental challenges – am those damn moods which swing or spin as if the own me. The one who has hit rock bottom over and again, lost babies and all – fighting for her sanity and escape from ever getting a medical prescription.

    And so granny, I am fighting negative thoughts to the extent that I get up from sleep with a heavy face. You know the boxer of a victor who nevertheless got them dem good blows. I fight so hard and calm myself down as much as possible.

    Just this morning, after one of those nights, I wanted to start off with the gym. I went to a nearby branch of my club – they had said they start operations on Sept 01 and they are still giving excuses for whatever. Sure I was mad, and I had to spend at least 45 minutes commuting back home, I took a wrong bus, got out next stop and didn’t know whether to go to my regular branch or go home, calm, work and go there in the evening. I survived and am at home with some magic music.
    So granny, it is possible to erase or fight them negative thoughts, but it ain’t ever gonna be an easy fight.
    Thanks for sharing

    Reply

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