Loneliness … OR … Doing things alone

  loneliness  4Co-dependence has gotten a bad rap from substance abuse recovery terminology. Most people are social beings, both emotionally and biologically who live in communities because they need company. We all need company as we cannot do everything alone. We need help. Collaboration is our biggest survival skill. We would die off without it. If one is alive, odds are that you have received or been given help in one way or another at some time or another. We have the idea that we are weak and if we are unable to do things independently and that it is  a problem. But nobody, least of all successful people, don’t do every single thing alone and nor do top executives. Surgeons don’t operate alone and doctors have nurses to aid them. World leaders have helpers so independence is overrated. We need one another and should be there for each other. Do you know of anyone who does every single thing alone? I don’t, so, why do we hold ourselves to this standard? Maybe it’s a question of worth. A person might have a low sense of self-worth unless they do things alone. It might actually be a judgment against himself or herself.

 Being Lonely

 Now being lonely is totally different. Loneliness is upsetting. It can bring on a depression. Being lonely imeans that one feels isolated. It breeds negative self-identity, increases sadness and anxiety. When somebody feels lonely, that individual feels unloved. He/she remembers all the evidence pointing to this fact and for some reason their minds become empty of all the evidence against it. Loneliness makes a person think things like:- I ruin everybody’s life. I can’t call anyone because they will consider it an imposition. No one wants to hear from me. I make bad decisions. I don’t even know how to act in social situations. I am awkward. I have nothing to offer. The bottom line is; I am a dork.


6 thoughts on “Loneliness … OR … Doing things alone

  1. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.

    Excellent blog, Jill. I used to get so tired of that old ‘co-dependence’ speak when we lived in California. Tom and I were both accused of it more times than I care to even think about. We were always being called out on the carpet for loving each other too much! I once heard Tom challenge a Ph.D. with ‘How do YOU know when our loving ends and co-dependence begins.’ Another time I asked him if he had ever known unconditional love and after that, I went in search of a new group leader. I decided we were healthier than he was.
    Thanks so much for the follow.

  2. Sara Jacobovici

    Jill, you’re article touches on such an important issue; the differences between doing things alone within the support of a community and loneliness; internalizing negative messages that turn individuals inward and isolates them from that same community. Why did it end on such an abrupt and hopeless note, “The bottom line is; I am a dork.”? Please, let people hear that it isn’t easy to come out of such a state but the individual and others need to make the effort to move out of this place.

  3. Pieces of Bipolar

    Reblogged this on Pieces of Bipolar and commented:
    I found this post by Jill Sadowsky quite revealing. Differentiating between the physical state of doing things alone, versus the emotional state of being alone. Perhaps I’m an anomaly – I’m not social and pretty much do everything alone. I don’t often feel lonely. I wonder if its a bipolar thing (isolation). Enjoy, very interesting post

    1. Jill Post author

      Sure, as most blog posts are from personal experience unfortunately. My son
      suffered from paranoid schizophrenia for about 26 years, was medication resistant and subsequently had no quality of life. He ended it 16 years later just before his 34th birthday. Now, I am doing my best to lessen the stigma and encourage people to speak out.
      Will reply to any questions and yes,
      It’s all my work.


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