Tag Archives: forgive

Forgive? What does it really mean to forgive someone?

If I forgive someone, I have to let go and accept what has occurred between us. If not, I realize that the position won’t change. What it really means is that I am dismissing blame. At some stage, choices were made that cause both sides to hurt. Maybe we could have made other choices, but we did not.

It means learning from my pain. It means starting over with the knowledge that I may have gained something. It means letting go of revenge. It means releasing all my negative thoughts of resentment and bitterness.

But, I had to be clear in my own mind on what forgiving really meant. It did not mean pretending that what had happened did not really occur. I could not excuse the other person because he/she was to blame. I forgave because I felt a wrong had been committed. I was not giving the other party permission to continue with hurtful behavior. It meant letting go. It meant leaving my painful memories behind me as far as I possibly could and accepting what had occurred, because, the person or people involved were not likely to change.

By doing the above, I was able to start my healing process … ever so slowly at first, but over a period of time, it seems to have worked.

wild cyclamens


Forgiveness means letting go of and accepting what has occurred because no matter what we do, the position isn’t likely to change. Forgiveness means dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused us to hurt; maybe we could have made different choices?

Forgiveness means looking at our pain and learning lessons from it.

Forgiveness means starting over with the knowledge that we may have gained something after all.



Since I have been widowed, I have spent a lot of time observing couples, far more than when I was a happily married woman. I smiled on hearing a conversation between a young man and a young woman in a coffee shop. She; ‘You are wrong, I’ve told you so over and over,  and if I agreed with you, we would both be wrong, you know!’ He ; he grunted.

In a supermarket, I heard a woman with long, blond hair and well-manicured blue nails, complaining about trivialities and it was her boyfriend’s response that impressed me. ‘Stop taking  yourself so seriously. No one else does, you know.’

A middle-aged woman to a friend; “If only I’d known that my husband was going to die in a traffic accident. If only I’d agreed to buy the new television screen that he had his heart set on.” Her friend’s reply, ‘Stop auditing your life. Get on with it. Move on. We all tend to say if only but it doesn’t help, you know. Make the most of it. All that really matters is that you loved and were loved, so consider yourself one of the lucky ones,’ and with that, they disappeared, wandering along the lines of well-packed shelves.

When I hear someone moaning about something insignificant, I am tempted to say, ‘No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. Your life is a gift.’ My late husband taught me not to grieve for the things I did not have, rather, to rejoice in what I had. If the day was a bad one, it was simply that, and not necessarily a bad life. He often said, ‘Let your past make you better and not bitter.’ Not an easy task to accomplish.

When a retired man sighed and complained that his life was hard, I was tempted to ask, ‘compared to what? If you can walk, step outside at last once a day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.’